Holding down the fort

Insulation will fail over time.

If you structure your life in such a way where you are put against something as powerful as time.

If you find that you are holding out.

If you find that you have set yourself up in such a way, holding yourself from who you want,

You will find that you will miss out on what you want.

You will find out that what you want will change.

You will find yourself wondering what you were holding out for.

Your desires and hopes and dreams fade with time. What you once thought you wanted, if left unpursued or pursued partially with failure, will you find that you only thought you wanted when you if you ever get around to that point where you thought you'd be, years later?

Time changes you. Time erodes your unpursued dreams. Time will kill you. Time increases the probability of degenerative conditions. Time is a degenerative condition.

It's difficult to express, as someone who has set aside hopes and dreams in the pursuit of personal freedom and millions of dollars.

I've been living on the beach by myself, passing through hundreds of people. I live alone. I grow tired and old and I just feel like I'm starting to question some of my assumptions.

After years of watching it all go by. I am jaded. I meet people and dislike them more. Everything has a price. I'd rather not bother. 1000+ days of this routine have impacted who I am. It has changed my personality.

Anyway, I just wanted to outline the cost of being all-in on something that forces you to isolate yourself. In a poem by charles bukowski he says isolation is the gift.

I've been isolated for a few years now. I see people living better lives, is all I am saying.

And, at the same point, whatever. Peace.