Insulation will fail over time.
If you structure your life in such a way where you are put against something as powerful as time.
If you find that you are holding out.
If you find that you have set yourself up in such a way, holding yourself from who you want,
You will find that you will miss out on what you want.
You will find out that what you want will change.
You will find yourself wondering what you were holding out for.
Your desires and hopes and dreams fade with time. What you once thought you wanted, if left unpursued or pursued partially with failure, will you find that you only thought you wanted when you if you ever get around to that point where you thought you'd be, years later?
Time changes you. Time erodes your unpursued dreams. Time will kill you. Time increases the probability of degenerative conditions. Time is a degenerative condition.
It's difficult to express, as someone who has set aside hopes and dreams in the pursuit of personal freedom and millions of dollars.
I've been living on the beach by myself, passing through hundreds of people. I live alone. I grow tired and old and I just feel like I'm starting to question some of my assumptions.
After years of watching it all go by. I am jaded. I meet people and dislike them more. Everything has a price. I'd rather not bother. 1000+ days of this routine have impacted who I am. It has changed my personality.
Anyway, I just wanted to outline the cost of being all-in on something that forces you to isolate yourself. In a poem by charles bukowski he says isolation is the gift.
I've been isolated for a few years now. I see people living better lives, is all I am saying.
And, at the same point, whatever. Peace.
Saturday, October 20, 2018
Thursday, August 2, 2018
Sunday, July 22, 2018
god loves you
I love you. You are God. You are powerful. You are capable. You are all knowing. You are amazing. You are the love of my life. You are the best in this world. You are high octane. You radiate positive warm smiles on all who can feel your presence, whether sound, smell, sight, touch or taste. Your brain drives your body to great lengths and you know the world is yours and it's time to get to stepping when the sun rains down to recharge your soul. We are all loving this moment. I love you so much. Please for the love of God do not ever give up your dreams. Love yourself. God loves you.
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
A poem
I want to turn you inside out with my mind. I want to show you the bend of my spine. It's the nature of the bell to the beast. Juicy, flavorful, iambic pentameter, you've heard this all before but order's up. It's time to give into the madness and become what falls out, brustlesprout. I want to slowly slip into your skin, show you where and when I've been, enter through your nose, where the wind blows, show you the meaning of everything happens for a reason, 'tis the season. Your clothes are meant to be worn out. It's the semblence in me that you find yourself craving the insanity reveberating from within yourself as you lose your breath forgetting to remember why you weren't faster, why you didn't train harder, why you never paid enough attention to make a difference, why you positioned yourself as such, what timing is, whether it is or it isn't, whether here or there, anywhere, that's how I do.
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